Oh Lordy! I hauled home some furniture from the side of the road today. Not sure if I am going to keep it, but it coordinates with the Brasilia so well. Maybe it is the new television stand? And then the triple dresser moves into my bedroom? And the yellow chest goes into Emily's room? But then where will the bookcase go? Oh, the trouble of living in a small house and having a furniture obsession. 

I don't want to get rid of the yellow chest. It was the first furniture C and I bought together. And it ruined her back, so I feel obligated to love it forever. Plus, it is a fine, solid piece of furniture. 

If someone had driven past and seen me loading the stereo console into the Camry all alone, they would have thought I was nuts. I have never really hauled much home from the side of the road before. It was fun, but it would have been easier in a truck and with a best friend. I managed to get it in the trunk, even though I ended up covered in spider egg sacs.

While huffing and puffing and cussing the bungie cord that wouldn't quite reach, I remembered what family I come from. A family of women that never needed a man's help to move anything. From a very young age I helped haul furniture from room to room and up and down stairs. There was NO WAY I couldn't load this up. (This might be what was going through C's head when the dresser vs. back showdown happened too.) Even Emily, when she was like 9 years old, helped me move dressers to the basement. I remember the kids crying when our first attempt ended with the dresser wedged in the stairwell and me trapped in the basement. She makes me proud by carrying on the tradition of women in our family flexing their muscles when it comes to redecorating. My focus on grooming Emily into a moving buddy may have resulted in Matthew becoming completely worthless though. Which is not going to be pretty when he gets home tonight and has to help me get the console in the house for its first cleaning.

I was already reminiscing about my Mom earlier today. It is strange how much I don't really know how she felt about things. Is it just the length of time since we have been able to talk to each other, or is my perspective of what I want to know changing with age? I kind of thought about asking her best friend to coffee to see if she could answer some of my questions. I don't know if that would be weird or not. I just wonder why she didn't have more close friends. Why didn't she date at all? Was she happy? I think she was happy with us, but there is a difference between being satisfied as a mother and happy as a woman. Also, what really happened the night I cut my leg and had stitches? Is there anyone that can tell me?  Usually I miss her pretty bad around my birthday. That has lessened some over the years, but I sure could use some help in learning how to let Lou go to college. 
I thought my time of feeling out of place as a parent was over. When they went to Kindergarten, I was the youngest Mom and always felt judged by the other parents. I never had any friends my age that had kids that were at the same stages as mine. I feel like, for the most part, my journey as a Mom has been a solo flight. Now I have to keep hearing, "You can't be old enough to have a daughter in college!" I am. And I don't know how to reply to that without getting mad. "I had her as a teenager and managed to not screw her up." "I was a teen Mom, but not like what you see on MTV, and have raised a daughter that will do better than I ever did." I will not say I made a mistake when I was a teenager. The kids were never that. I made a sacrifice of my life when I was a teenager and my reckless actions caught up with me. A sacrifice of my dreams for their success. And now seeing them succeed is my only wish. 
Ugh, Ok time to not be so serious. Want to know which song always makes me dance and sing along? My Life by Billy Joel. I love it.

Lyrics:
Got a call from an old friend
We used to be real close
Said he couldn't go on the American way
Closed the shop, sold the house
Bought a ticket to the West Coast
Now he gives them a stand-up routine in L.A.

I don't need you to worry for me cause I'm alright
I don't want you to tell me it's time to come home
I don't care what you say anymore, this is my life
Go ahead with your own life, leave me alone

I never said you had to offer me a second chance
(I never said you had to)
I never said I was a victim of circumstance
(I never said)
I still belong, don't get me wrong
You can speak your mind
But not on my time

They will tell you, you can't sleep alone in a strange place
Then they'll tell you, you can't sleep with somebody else
Ah, but sooner or later you sleep in your own space
Either way it's okay to wake up with yourself

I don't need you to worry for me cause I'm alright
I don't want you to tell me it's time to come home
I don't care what you say anymore, this is my life
Go ahead with your own life, leave me alone

I never said you had to offer me a second chance
(I never said you had to)
I never said I was a victim of circumstance
(Of cirumstance)
I still belong, don't get me wrong
You can speak your mind
But not on my time

I don't care what you say anymore, this is my life
Go ahead with your own life, leave me alone

(Keep it to yourself, it's my life.)
(Keep it to yourself, it's my life.)
(Keep it to yourself, it's my life.)
(Keep it to yourself, it's my life.)